Dominique Strauss Kahn, everyone’s favourite rapey French politician is in the news again this week after being charged with “aggravated pimping” in France. He stands accused of organising and attending parties where young beautiful women were paid to proffer their bodies to a circling pack of politicians with pockets full of money, viagra and talcum powder.
Much of the recent headlines have focussed on some text messages in which DSK refers the women at the parties as “luggage” and “gifts”. While this exhibits a special kind of of obnoxiousness, it is neither illegal nor the most ridiculous aspect to this story – which is of course his excuse.
He claims he did not know that the women were paid to be there. Say that one more time – he claims that he did not know the prostitutes at these sex parties were paid to be there. No, one more time – this 63 year old porky politician pygmy did not know, these young beautiful women were paid to have sex with him and his grey ear-haired semi-senile friends. That supposes that he genuinely believes that young women these days like to hang around in groups shagging old men. Lets put this in context, DSK is an international lawyer, politician and economist; this is not just an implausible defense it is so implausible that it demands new language. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting “to DSK”:
To DSK (v)- pronounced: DEE-ESS-KAY,
To use an excuse in a court of law so formidably implausible that should it succeed, it undermines the entire concept of justice, insults humanity at large while simultaneously hinting at the poor mental health of the defendant.
Example usages: My son is DSKing me over the biscuits, he still maintains he didn’t take them, even after I found them stuck in his beard.
Or a better example, courtesy of Andrew White: “Apparently there is a regular supply of patients coming into A&E units across the UK (and no doubt the rest of the world) with the infamous injury transcribed in the medical records as “F[oreign] B[ody] in rectum”. Tradition dictates that patients should DSK it when questioned: “I was just hoovering the carpet, and I tripped on the power lead, and my trousers came down, and I fell and landed in the worst possible way on this snooker ball. You needn’t tell my wife.”
More submissions are welcome, if you want to submit, tweet them to me or post them in the comments below…
A homage words inspired by politicians
Santorum (n): Named after the homophobe’s homophobe Republican presidential candidate Rick Santurum this refers to “the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.” Google has now bowed to pressure and artificially removed it from the top of the rankings in Google searches, so it’s especially important to keep it in use.
E.g. What’s that on your collar Rick?! It looks like Santorum!
To do a Clegg (v): to Clegg, get Clegged or to do a Clegg” is to make a faustian and utterly destructive pact with a more powerful force.”
E.g After he got busted for spying on his mates he was totally clegged when the headmaster didn’t make him a prefect