The Rick Santorum Post-Mortem Quiz

Rick Santorum in happier days.

Now he is safely out of the race, we can relax and enjoy a look back at our dystopian hero’s unlikely run. Come on – he was never going to be elected, apart from the anti-gay, anti-poor, racist world view; he  is against contraception for Christ sake (sorry Rick). Or put another way against all the people who like to have sex without risking aids or babies – 98% percent of the American female population at the last count. This added to the gay, the black and the poor thing meant he had already alienated more than 156% of the electorate. Statistically he didn’t stand a chance, yet he won in 11 states.  Before we think about that too much, what better way to celebrate the termination of his candidacy than with a quiz.

How well do you know Rick Santorum?

1. Rick is a simple guy, with simple ideas and that come from his simple mind. So we are going to start this quiz nice and simple. Where does Santorum come from?

2. In removing a sweater vest from his closet on virtually every day of the campaign trail, Rick popularized the item in a way many thought impossible.  Can you spot Rick amongst these other famous sweater vest wearers?  Bonus half point for naming each of the others.

Would the real Santurom please stand up?

3. What Rick doesn’t know about the world , isn’t worth knowing. He’s got Europe down pat. According to Rick what do old Dutch people wear to protect themselves from the state.  What is written on them? (1 point for word perfect half point for the general idea)

4. Rick is not a racist, he is just a lexical pioneer. Complete this famous Santorum sentence from a speech with (Hint – it’s a word that starts with B.)

“I don’t want to make ______ people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money, I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money and provide for themselves and their families”

5. According to Rick, what is the difference between gay sex, paedophilic sex, bestial sex?

6. Rick on global warming: Instead of talking to a scientist about the harmful effects of CO2 emissions the wise should instead talk to whom?
Scroll down for the answers.


6 out of 6 
– Congratulations you are ready to run for president!
.4-5– Impressive but maybe just the senate for you
2-3– You’ve got potential but I am sorry its  the school board for now
0-1– Get out of my site, just go – okay, just go.

1. I will accept either Virginia or the ass.
2. C is of course our man, but could you identify the rest? A = Ferris Bueller, B = Artie from Glee, D = Brad Pitt In Inglorius Bastards. 
3.  Bracelets with  “Do not euthanize me!” written on them.
4. The answer of course is “Blah”, but incase you are not sure  don’t take my word for it take Rick’s (He is God’s little soldier, he physically  can’t lie)
5: .Ha ha! Trick question – there is no difference!
6. Obviously you should go talk to a plant


About Paul David Beaumont

Occasional journalist, part-time socialist & full time International Relations PhD student. Available for hire - but never in the morning. Academia page:
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