Norway`s New Little Enemy

Norway doesn’t have many traditional geo-political enemies. Yes they managed to rupture relations with China, ironically through the awarding of a peace prize but China lives miles away and has probably forgotten by now.  Meanwhile, relations are even pretty good with their former overlord Sweden; the only war they have fought lately is with petty jokes and the occasional xenophobic pop song.  Equally, while it is true that Norway sends battalions of 18 year olds to pace along the the Russian border building snow forts – that the MoD declares each year that Russia remain the biggest external threat to Norway`s national security is more just a habit and testament to the absence of any genuine enemy.

But that has all changed.  The peace has been broken. Turns out Norway has an enemy and they go by the name “John”. Read the 7 separate comments left on my blog between 4am and 5am last week if you don’t believe me. I think he may have been stung by a Norwegian as a child or something:

“Yeah. Can’t wait to see this naive utopia fail when oil is eventually finished. ‘Hard working people’, ‘best in the world’, etc., will be replaced with what they did about 150 years ago — fleeing their beloved country like rats a sinking ship.”

“In Norway…
The problem is, people often don’t give a damn. You just fucking don’t care about each other.”*

[In reply to a Norwegian saying that they don`t hate whales] “Oh yeah. And we don’t hate foreigners, we just fuck them.”

“Yes. In summary, Norway simply sucks socially. You like social life, you have a no-go to Norway.”

“As to the last point, Norwegians are so hooked up on their homeland being the best place on earth, no wonder they’d kill themselves more often if living anywhere else. Norway is about the only place for a Norwegian to live.”

“The fact that the day is so long in the summer does not mean it’s light. The light is still poor, only for more hours.”

[when the cold starts to sink into your bones] “… and that’s the ultimate disaster. You become a true Norwegian. Puke.”

This is not Norway`s nemesis “John” but Max Fisher from Rushmore. I just think this is a suitable picture.

Scary stuff indeed.  I wonder what grievances John is harbouring that make him feel this way? (If you have a theory post a comment).  Perhaps we should call in a neutral third party (Maybe Canada), get in UN peace keepers whack on Enya and see if  we can’t work this out amicably.


About Paul David Beaumont

Occasional journalist, part-time socialist & full time International Relations PhD student. Available for hire - but never in the morning. Academia page:
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5 Responses to Norway`s New Little Enemy

  1. I cannot shed any light on Johh, but I would like to point out that you cannot spell professional, had I not seen your spelling before, I might’ve even thought you’d done it on purpose…

  2. Scott says:

    Let’s see here. OK, John has his point of view and is entitled to it, no matter how wrong he is. Let’s just leave him be. Unless, he wants to play hockey. Then we get to beat the crap out of him.

    • Sabrine says:

      Let us hope he doesn’t go overboard. Talking crap about norway is the last thing you want. We have strong sense of nationality… So.. I feel bad for that guy to get such and impression of us.
      But it would still feel good to give him a backhand to his left eye.

  3. crossbilly says:

    Why are you “attacking” John? I know this was done with tongue in cheek, but still. When I meet a person, I don’t agree with, I try to figure out why –not making fun of that person. When a person are delusional –like every religious person in the world– I just leave it be, doing nothing.

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